I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Sober January is a disaster.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
