Acid is not a monday night drug
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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