So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
