So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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