For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
