You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize