# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
