My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
