So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
