Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
