yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
