a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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