I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
