I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
