the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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