I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
