9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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