Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
