It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
