They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
