You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
