He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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