In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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