I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
