Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
