i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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