Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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