If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
