I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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