I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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