Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
