just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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