wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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