I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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