someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
whose parrot is this?
Randomize
