the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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