I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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