booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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