Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
