he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I came so hard my ears popped.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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