We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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