it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
