Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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