you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
