If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
