I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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