Duck Duck Cougar?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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