Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
where does the pee come out of this thing
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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