More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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