They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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