well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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