I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
