If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
