Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
