and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
