and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He felt like a one man threesome
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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