I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
