pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
