yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
