You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
