Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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