Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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