soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
