genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just had sex on a roof
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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