Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
