we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
