3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
