Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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