My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so much tequila, so little girl.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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