.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
