I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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