I met the friendliest cop last night
Its about making memories worth repressing
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
