During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
